Saturday, February 11, 2006

February-the groundhog saw his shadow

It is later evening on Saturday the 11th and the house is warmed by a fire. Just back from a freezing walk near the lake-which is not frozen and the wind is blowing. Harry-my lab was running in the field to get to the lake so had to go after him! Was good to get out there in the wild of the night-wind wild, clouds racing by, full moon between the clouds. I don't mind the snow, but still look forward to spring. The older I get, the more I am thankful for each spring--always wondering when I won't see another one. That sounds morbid, but when you work in hopsice, you realize each day is a gift. We have a 38 year old mom with cancer right now with 2 kids and a husband she is working to say goodbye to. That stops me in my tracks and has me take a serious look at my life. Do I really love what I do and how I spend my day? Have I connected with the ones that mean so much to me? Have I made sure my side of the street is clean and not holding onto grudges or unforgiveness? I still am sorry for broken relationships in my life and for no reconciliation in some. I long for heaven to see how God will allow them to have worked out? I don't know how He will do that, but I know the ones I haven't worked things out with on this side of heaven will see us looking at each other when we get there and I wonder if we will see the fullness of what was impossible here.
I am thankful for my life. I love the goodness of my life. I love my daughter so much. I have had an opportunity presented to do something that would take me from here and back to a place I loved. It has been an incredibly hard transition for the last 3 years to readjust to being back home-and somehow, this last year, I feel I am home-and it somehow has made more sense. I don't want to go back-I want to be near my family and daughter and her husband. I want to be alongside the church I belong to-and to be committed to seeing the kingdom come here. I am feeling older now, I want to be intentional about each day-not filling it so much with activity-not that activity is bad, but to make sure it is balanced with quietness, reflection, quietness, rest and just a good night sleep too! That is funny, but I do love a good night sleep!!
I am thankful for all the opportunities in my life to connect to people I love, and look forward to this year being full of more of that.