Saturday, February 11, 2006

February-the groundhog saw his shadow

It is later evening on Saturday the 11th and the house is warmed by a fire. Just back from a freezing walk near the lake-which is not frozen and the wind is blowing. Harry-my lab was running in the field to get to the lake so had to go after him! Was good to get out there in the wild of the night-wind wild, clouds racing by, full moon between the clouds. I don't mind the snow, but still look forward to spring. The older I get, the more I am thankful for each spring--always wondering when I won't see another one. That sounds morbid, but when you work in hopsice, you realize each day is a gift. We have a 38 year old mom with cancer right now with 2 kids and a husband she is working to say goodbye to. That stops me in my tracks and has me take a serious look at my life. Do I really love what I do and how I spend my day? Have I connected with the ones that mean so much to me? Have I made sure my side of the street is clean and not holding onto grudges or unforgiveness? I still am sorry for broken relationships in my life and for no reconciliation in some. I long for heaven to see how God will allow them to have worked out? I don't know how He will do that, but I know the ones I haven't worked things out with on this side of heaven will see us looking at each other when we get there and I wonder if we will see the fullness of what was impossible here.
I am thankful for my life. I love the goodness of my life. I love my daughter so much. I have had an opportunity presented to do something that would take me from here and back to a place I loved. It has been an incredibly hard transition for the last 3 years to readjust to being back home-and somehow, this last year, I feel I am home-and it somehow has made more sense. I don't want to go back-I want to be near my family and daughter and her husband. I want to be alongside the church I belong to-and to be committed to seeing the kingdom come here. I am feeling older now, I want to be intentional about each day-not filling it so much with activity-not that activity is bad, but to make sure it is balanced with quietness, reflection, quietness, rest and just a good night sleep too! That is funny, but I do love a good night sleep!!
I am thankful for all the opportunities in my life to connect to people I love, and look forward to this year being full of more of that.

1 comment:

country-gospel-singer said...

Yesterday is gone and we can not change what happened. Our choices got us to where we are now. Tomorrow may not come. All we have is TODAY in a world like ours. I can feel your hurting in your words. A few words brought me tears. I can tell you are a loving, kind, gentle person. May God bless you and yours. Sister In Christ, Janie Marie