Thursday, November 29, 2007
feels like a big hole
I was thinking of the 9/11 attack yesterday and thought of how the city of Manhatten was so devastatingly affected in the communication and how the city could function and that is how it feels like to me---Like I am the island of Manhattan and a big hole has been blown in me...and there is this gaping hole--and so much devastation---and just trying to go through the wreckage now to see what is there..
Not to say I have experienced that horrific tragedy that took so many lives--but to me, I can think of no greater loss than to lose Sarah. I feel it has impacted me in the most significant way. Christopher too--and many others have been terribly impacted by this tragedy. I can't seem to look past the minute on some days--and certainly not past the day. It is so hard. I am trying to keep writing and talking and connecting---still terribly sucks. ugh...so often, the word is ugh...I write it alot in my journal...ugh...just ugh...like a deep groan...so deep...so aching...
Trying to lean close to Jesus---knowing He is close--holding me. I know people tell me everyday they are praying for me and for Chris all the time...I know it is true and can't imagine what it would be like if they weren't.
Heaven is inviting---life is calling us to live...and to live and grieve with an eternal hope that says we will see her again...and to live it out before everyone. God please help me, help us to do that.