Wednesday, January 30, 2008

thanks for the memories

Golly Sarah, we had so much fun together. I just loved our trip to Michigan this year. We laughed and laughed so much on the way over. I remember you taking videos of us singing Hey Jude...and when Aunt Barb and I were in the front seat of my convertible--we looked in the back seat and there you were laying down taking pictures of the clouds---just having the best time.

Just a night that is cold outside, it is late, I am missing you--it is too quiet some nights. I feel so alone on these nights--just me and Harry. I know so many people are all around me, I know they are there and am so happy for them in my life. I don't discount them--not one of them. I don't know what I would do without the support that God has laid around me--and even me for them. Just didn't know how quiet the world would be without your strong and clear voice. You had so many words to say about everything. I loved listening to you. I loved hearing you process the things that pissed you off. I loved laughing so you remember us laying in the tent this was so funny that we couldn't have a fire cuz it was raining--so you used the lighter to make smores---hahahahah!! Then we laid in the dark with my camera phone and took pictures of us and laughed and laughed...such fun. Who would know it was our last. We talked abou taking your kids camping--and how we would do that and still shop and eat. Brent said that heaven will bring fulfillment of what we don't finish here--so girl...check out some cool places---cuz I want to go camping in heaven. What a thought. I want to savor and enjoy the best of the best places.
I miss you so some minutes...just ached like it won't go away. I just miss you. I just miss you. heading to bed...some people dream about you---I haven't yet....wonder if I will.

love you

Saturday, January 26, 2008

aching day

Today is an aching day---heart aches for you, to talk to you, to share with you all the big and small things I want to talk with you about. I wish for another day with you--it wouldn't be enough...that is for sure. I know we lived so well and fully each day--it just never is enough. I long somedays to come straight to heaven. To be done here--to just try to not be sad and to press on. I do well sometimes, but right this minute, the grief is heavy...and missing you fills my mind and heart. Dear girl, how you have filled my life these last 29 years. Everywhere I look, I see the memories of times and places we have been. You are so dear to me. I know so many people miss you fiercely. So many seem lost without your full presence--you lived large Sarah. You lived full. You drank fully from the cup in your hand. I loved watching you do it too. Loved it even when you were so frustrated with people or events--just watching you process things.
I am just missing hearing you come down the stairs to the cottage, talking on the cell phone, carrying your dayplanner, with at least 2 bags of whatever you just bought--coming in loudly, telling Harry to not jump on you--planting a kiss on me, still talking at top speed, heading to the bathroom to pee as you hadn't probably done that in hours--ha! You would then go immediately to the fridge--next thing you would do is pop a beer, or pour a glass of wine--cut up cheese and crackers---maybe make a comment about my fridge only has condiments in it and what do I eat??? You would finally get off the phone---and throw it in your very large purse and continue to tell me every detail of the day and all that you had happen....with all the fillins....just talking and talking...I just loved the whole thing--the whole experience---just watching you. I have watched you do the same thing alllllll your life---from small to just before you died. I loved it---never did it get boring. You are my dearest and best friend. I miss you more than I can ever even tell you. I miss telling you now about my life--the neat things that are happening to me now---and wishing you were here to laugh with me and be happy---you would be too. You were always so worried about me--and everyone else too. You made time for all of us. You made the time for the details, the people. You taught us Sarah--you taught us to take time. I so miss you.

I so miss you.