Friday, March 14, 2008

tears stream down your face, when you lose something you cannot replace


this song touches my soul. i have learned more about grief in this season. i can see grief in the eyes of those around me like i never have before. i understand the pain that finds words empty. i cry with tears, without tears...such profound sadness at times. such emptiness.
Chris and I opened a drawer in their bathroom yesterday that had not been disturbed since sarah died. there before us was her big hairbrush...full of her hair, laying there. it did us both in. isn't it weird what undoes us. i can see that girl combing her long and beautiful hair--flipping it back, tossing it to the side...curling it, spraying it, lifting it off her face, pulling it back, pinning it up...she just was beautiful no matter what she did with it. people would always tell me--"do you know how beautiful your daughter is?" i would say yes, i sure do--don't know how she got to be so stunning...so pretty. but she was. she was beautiful inside and out. she knew it at some level and would dress in the most stunning outfits, then at the next time, look just as stunning in junk clothes. one girl told me she didn't really want sarah in her wedding because she would look so beautiful...she did anyway, but knew sarah was so pretty. we laughed about it...
oh my, God please help me to keep wandering through these such hard places, it seems like it will help lead me home....to peace, to acceptance, to joy again. when will i run out of tears...

1 comment:

Kim said...

hi chris, Kim Wise here, when I am missing my men the only peace I find is in my son Nick and imagining what Tim and Daniel are doing in heaven. I sometimes think what they are missing here, but then I think, wow, they are with Jesus!! we are the ones missing out, I actually feel jealous sometimes, what a gift, to grieve with hope is a precious gift. Hope is the glue that holds us together and fills those gaping holes in our hearts. Thank God! I will see you Tues. In Him alone, Kim my Email Kmariewise@gmail