Friday, April 04, 2008
It is a misty day out today. Yesterday was a difficult day for Christopher, Karalyn and I as we began to sort through the most dear and personal things you had Sarah. Tears mixed with smiles of remembering you in certain things-wearing certain things...loving your stuff. You were so colorful, so beautiful. I loved seeing how you mixed and matched the things you had.
It is such a hard thing to walk out grief. The work of grief is ever present-always in front of you with memories and possessions and empty places where you would be. I miss you so, so many people miss you so. We share the sarah stories--which make us laugh as you did so many things that still crack us all up. You were a unique and wonderful girl. We will never be the same knowing you. I am the most blessed mom to have gotten the assignment of having you for my one and only---oh my!! God blessed me so. I miss our times, our talks, all the fun we had. Your spot is so wide and deep in me. My heart aches sometimes so deep.
Somehow in the midst of the mist of this walk, I see the light ahead-maybe it is just heaven beckoning me to keep hoping. I do hope and hope in me is huge. I look forward to the eternal part still coming, still ahead. I can only imagine the wonders of the kingdom, what you are doing right this minute. Full of life--true life, eternal life. I want to share that life with all I meet--the people who don't know about it yet.
Wish you were here for my selfishness--to share the joy of my upcoming marriage to Rick. You would love him, you probably know more about him that I do!! He is a dear man and God is so kind to bring him alongside of me right now. I am excited for my future--but miss that you don't get to be part of this special time. You would be wild with ideas--I would be having a blast watching you put this all together with the flair of what only you could imagine!! You would stretch me in ways to embrace this new man in my life...."Mother---just get a life!! Don't hold anything back, embrace it, embrace him--go for it!!" I can hear you loud and clear Sarah C. I get it, I will not miss this, I will savor every moment of it and drink long and hard this wonderful cup of love given to me in the midst of deep sorrow and pain. God is kind to me. God is blessing me in the most beautiful way.
just know i miss you---God please hug and kiss my girl today---right in that special spot that she will know it is from me.