Friday, July 11, 2008

Sarah's eye....a star named for our girl...

It is just a day before we go to the place she lost her last pair of shoes---struggling to swim and live. she had no chance to live as the injury to her head was too severe. nevertheless, we go to celebrate and commemorate her life.

christopher had a star named for her---"Sarah's eye" a while ago---and she was so touched. some nights---it is a help to know her star shines still done on all of us....

I got this email from a student Sarah went to school with for her master's in art therapy and community is dear and the poem she included blesses me so....thank you Father for the many, many , many kind things and blessings that continue to pour over all of us in the days since Sarah left us. I am rich with love adn care and blessings. Fuller than I ever have been---at such a high cost.

"You may not recognize my email, but I was a classmate of Sarah's at Ursuline
and have been deeply touched by Sarah's gifts!
Please know that I think of you often and pray that you find peace in the memories you have with and of Sarah. She was truly a great light in this world... thank you for that gift!

Recently, I came across this poem and hope it may be of some comfort to you:

There are stars up above,
so far away we only see their light long, long after
the star itself is gone.
And so it is with people that we loved,
their memories keep shining ever brightly
though their time with us is done.
But the stars that light up the darkest night,
these are the stars that guide us,
as we live our days these are the ways
we remember, we remember.
As we live our days these days we remember,
we remember.
~ Jewish poem "

we turn to face east, the flight, the stairs...the water and waves...and to see the last place you stood...please Lord, hold us...keep on us...let us grieve well but have the eternal part of hope to help each of us live. Sarah would want that. I know.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

ashes.... dear sarah's my hand. grey, chips of bone...lifeless...all that is left of her earthly body.

our breath-christopher's and mine---taken away for the minutes after we opened the urn...and gazed for the first time.

sorrow that was deeper than any words ever to be found.

tears stinging.
never right to experience for anyone.
long journey ahead to the land that is so far away-to take some of these ashes to leave in the water that held our dear bella while her life slipped away to heaven.
good friends, good family to go with us for this next part of the journey.
didn't ask for this one.
didn't ever want to have to do this--none of us.
God. please help.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

"There to wait a little while.....

while rick and i were in Virginia on one of the 3 separate times for "honeymoon"...we kept driving past a cemetery and I could see this angel in the cemetery--but couldn't see what was written. on our last day there-as we were driving to leave, we stopped in for a picture of her.
i began to cry as i saw the words..."there to wait a little while".
who knows what this new world for sarah really she wonderously exploring her new world, resting and waiting....i do not know...but i do know she is with her Father and is in a fullness i could never understand in my simple mind. i believe she is fully all she could ever be--and somehow sees us at times and prays too for each of us who sorely misses her.
today is another missing day of her--for me, for christopher, for friends and family. today would have been #4 few years were given to this beautiful many dreams never many things lost. hard to reckon this one out---it is just plain the hardest thing to continue to live and wrap your arms around.
in 3 days the group of us---the sourjouners for this leg of the journey of life will again take a plane to italy with some of sarah's ashes with us---to go back to the land she left this life---dear cinque terra-and see the people who loved her, loved us...walked with us...cried with us...felt deep sorrow for this loss with us...9 1/2 months ago. i ache, i cry to think of seeing for the first time this place where she was the "happiest of her life" only in minutes to be swept away and crashed to the rocks to slowly see her life slip to this new land of eternity--forever from our lives and joys here. never to know her new family along with never having her own family to raise. just many sorrows and regrets---
i pray dear Father--the words many have prayed for us-as we return to this dear land...
here is a prayer i received tonight from my dear friend joyce---
"I pray that you will feel the awesome presence and peace of Sarah in that place and space that she left behind. May you feel her eternal spirit soar within you and come to rest peacefully within your heart and soul forever more. I pray this celebration of her life is pleasing to the Holy Spirit, to you, to Christopher, and to all those who will come to know of her life through the dedication of this memorial. I pray that Rick may feel the presence of the daughter of his new bride and in so doing come to love her as you do. I pray that Christopher may cherish the memory for his wife forever and yet because of her, I pray he may learn to love again. I pray for you, Chris, for the peace, grace, mercy and gratitude as you release the beautiful daughter you raised to be the reflection of Christ's love in a hurting world. I pray for the country of Italy and her people who give voice and witness to Sarah's life so that others may learn of her zest for living. And for
Sarah.....I pray that this too may be "the best day of my life" as she lives on in eternity."
such a dear prayer---Father, please cover us as we travel...and may peace come, may freedom to let go and be released from the deep sorrow and tragedy come for all of us---to believe and KNOW you and the peace of her with you. thank you Father for the ones going with me, with Christopher to make this journey--they have been assigned to us for this walk and we are so grateful for each of them...we will never be the same.
sarah gave me a pillow she made a few years ago with the inscription, "I will never be the same after seeing the moon on the other side of the world." it is true----and we will never be the same, but better...fuller, richer...and holding a dear thing in our soul--for continuing to walk out the terrible loss of our dear sarah, my dear sarah pumpkin joy. my dear I love I miss I look forward to seeing you in the fullness of God. I too will rejoice as I continue to settle this in my soul more and more in the days to come. thank you God for the days we had her---help each of us live in the way of moments--embracing and holding and savoring like a fine glass of wine...this dear and short life we have.
peace tonight, rest now.