Tuesday, November 11, 2008

last birthday we celebrated together

here we were-the "yowell girls" celebrating my birthday before you went to heaven. Now the 3 of us will celebrate what would have been your 30th birthday....but is now onto your 2nd year in heaven. oh my...how the season has changed.

miss you like crazy-every day to find full and wonderful reasons to live with you gone. it is a fight on days like these of late. aching in my heart. longings... talked to christopher and he is the same way...and so are the others who loved you so. we just miss you, miss your presence.

who gets grief anyhow? Rick and i talk about the gift of grief...and i am trying so to understand how this is a gift...but somehow it is...and will continue to be a gift in the remaining years of life---or days, or whatever i have. sometimes i want to just quietly still come to heaven...but know it is just my grief...just the tiredness of walking out this new landscape that i have no map for...and the food is tasteless...

1 comment:

Marty said...

Oh... how I loved that day we were together. That picture I stare at so often. We do love to celebrate and be together. How to do this without sharing out daughters??? It is one of the parts I hate the most. I have always loved sharing being a Mom with you... and sharing our daughters. I know Kimmy is so lonely for Sarah... she has lost her only "sister" and her dear friend.

We talked so many times about how we would celebrate Sarah's 30th. I was working on collecting lawn ornaments to put in her yard. The big ones... I wanted one of those big ball ones and definitely had to find a wishing well! I wanted to pack her yard full.. knowing she would be so "mad" at me... but hey, that is what happens when you turn 30. I am so sad we don't get to do this with her.

Interesting that you say... onto her 2nd year in heaven... truly this is something to think about. We grieve for ourselves, but what a celebration. Dying is our ultimate "birth day"... Hmmmm... I think this may be something to give some thought too. So.. our Mom's Heavenly birthday is coming up... she will be 4 years old!
What do you think, should we celebrate? I think I will order this in my Will... that when I die, every year - everyone has to celebrate my Heavenly Birthday.

Anyhow... I miss having all of us as the Yowell women... Grandma, Mom, Sarah.... but we have women that we have to show how to do it right. So, am glad we have each other... just like this picture shows... linked together, stronger because we still have one another. Moving forward together.

I love you... and I know you want to sneak quietly into Heaven... and I don't blame you, but I am not sure my heart could bare it... ok?