Tuesday, March 31, 2009

such a long, long way home...

i have completed the room...at least the things i took...there are a few things left for christopher to work with---all her art---needs to be photographed so others can make prints if they would like.
i ponder so much, so many thoughts run through my small mind...and i keep walking into the unknown...toward you Father.
it is quiet in my head. quiet and sore in my heart. i hurt. i ache. i miss.
i don't say much anymore...the words bring no different ending. no new release, no new out. no new freedom from missing.
i don't hide, i don't avoid. it just isn't the center of talking much anymore...
not that i would want it to be...but now, 18 months into this journey---it just is a long long way home. i long for heaven sometimes....just stretch myself toward the homeland.
i sometimes get lost in thought about seeing you---Father...wow. seeing your Son...wow....seeing the others...already there....just mystifies me...is more than i can ponder for too long...get so lost in the thoughts of it.
but, here we are...coming up on easter again. i am glad for this season...so refreshing of what i totally believe. i know many others don't, but i do...and i do deeply, more deeply than ever before. don't want to debate it anymore either...so guess it is settled, and maybe thought of as narrowminded. i really don't try to tell others their answers...but if they ask how and why i believe, i am more than able and full of passion to share...and just tell my story and how i can see no other path but one. just one...and that one is Jesus. so....that is that.
but...as far as this journey of moving forward and on---i have much to sort through...much to touch and feel...and savor...and remember...it isn't enough, but it is sweet.
sweet, sweet sarah c. sweet girl...my girl. miss you so...right now, the tears wash my eyes, so can't see as well what i am writing...not too painful, just the sweet tears of your mom...your mom who misses and loves you so. what a girl, what a wild child...full of life, love and passion...so full.
thanks sarah--thanks for it all.

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