Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Sweet girl, sweet memories

I have now been to Sarah's room 3 times and most of the stuff is now in my garage. At least it is moved...and now to begin to go through it a bit at a time. Feels less like a place that I dread to go now. Life has moved on even if I feel like I have moved slowly in this area.
Grief is hard at times---crippling, debilitating, sufficating, like you have no arms or legs and can't move out of it.
Then other times, it feels like there is movement and softness and comfort like no other.
Then other times, it feels like so much has changed that you can't even remember the sounds of her voice...nor the other voices of the ones gone on.
I am so mixed up on those better to be quiet and slow to move.
Just this week, another friend lost her 14 month old daughter---same name....Sarah. my Sarah knew the mom---and they had talked some before Sarah died and were going to be on a Koinonia weekend together, but the mom was almost ready to deliver...her didn't do it. Sarah-my sarah, never made it to the weekend either as she had died shortly before. This new mom said to me...."your Sarah is with my Sarah." quietness in my soul...pondering that...
such a profound thought....our Sarah's together...however that is in God....somehow my mind just is unable to picture that. yet there is comfort. Sweet mercy...sweet mercy.
this picture is of Sarah's room before I started, messy, but the last of the view. art, neil, cards, always projects waiting to start...such a girl.


Heather said...

Ohh my heart is so sore for words, just lots of love today..x

Ally said...

Oh Chris, you have no idea how much I love to come here and read your blogs, they make me feel so much closer to my best friend whom I miss terribly. I wish sometimes I would have told her how important she was to me but I know she sees now, in my tears, and regret for not telling her EVERY single day that I was thinking about her. She was such a blessing to so many people and she is truly loved and missed.