Thursday, June 04, 2009

held close

love this picture, have used it before...somehow...I feel you next to me when I see it...and remember.
loved holding you...such a treasure to hold your child. i watch other mom's doing it now and want to say---do it for real...hold gently yet, intentionally...they aren't yours, just for a season...and you are given the privilege to have them for now.
i always had that in my heart...that you were not mine, just given as a gift to me to cherish and to raise...somehow, God let me know that from the very beginning, when I didn't even think I would carry you inside till birth...just a privilege.
blessed----I was blessed and am blessed with so many memories.
today will probably be the last time I officially "move you". I was thinking of all the times I have moved you in my life this morning as I laid in different houses, to college and home each mom's to live--to fairport and then to our house and then to your house with Christopher to get married...and now...we are moving the last of your stuff to their new homes...
i really think I can't understand this life. i don't know if i have the capacity to wrap my mind and heart around will let it be today..and keep walking this out. slowly, gently, tenderly...remembering this is the land i have been given to walk...and are close and will help. my heart knows deeply the sorrow of this land like no other can know. there are many moments of no words to speak...and that is just the way it is....and God, you know me...and search my heart and help. you are close to the broken and heal.
i am grateful...