Wednesday, March 17, 2010
a look back at our trip
Such a fun trip to Florida this year-saw family, friends, breathed the air and savored the sun. It is almost becoming spring here now too. Thankful for the new season. Ohio is so gray and cloudy in the winter....it gets to all of us.
The lake here is free of ice now too-wonderful to see open water again. Funny how open water is like our hearts. Sometimes we are iced over too. I have felt my heart like that and in seeing how the ice has been breaking up and melting before my eyes under the warmth of the sun makes me think of you God--how you try to warm me...my heart to flow better.
This season of deep sorrow and grief has found me so often helpless in how to walk...breathe, let alone run or do well. The longer I go on this journey, the less I know of what the new days will bring or the challenges to my heart and breath.
I find myself like gannetgirl's comment from the last post---quiet and not sure how to talk as some of the answers to my thoughts from others who haven't lost their child in a tragic way-say things that in an odd way, just amaze me that they even think what they just said might in some way be of any comfort. I have learned to just be still more often than not with someone else's grief or sorrow-I truly have NO idea what it may feel like for them and to offer up a group of words to try to fill a gap is just almost insane. We try hard, I know, even I do...to be of help to others...but more often than not...I now say---I just don't know what to say, just want to be here beside you if you are ok with that.
oh well....just random thoughts from my sore head today. Have been aching. Missing...trying to find my footing in this land I live in. Not sure of much these days. lopsided, crooked, out of link...zipper is stuck...nothing works right. going to go take a nap.