Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Found this picture tonight as I was purusing my photo albums....one of you at your desk when you were still here...focused...working...in a lovely place, and bet Neil D. was playing....
somedays, I just want a normal day again, get a phone call to meet you or just to talk truly about nothing, laugh, plan...just one more time.
missing you is something that happens, just all the time. Was dusting your painting of you today and looked at that magnificent painting done by the artist in Italy and thought, why am I dusting a painting of you...how unusual to dust a picture of you...who would have ever thought that I would dust a beautiful momento of you...just stopped me right there. For a minute I couldn't really move...I was without thinking moving through the act of dusting...and it just hit me right then. I felt like i was in a state of true shock...like what the hell am I doing?
that happens way more than the world even knows. just seems like life has such an unusual component to it now...unnatural...you shouldn't be gone....that's for sure.
10 days before Christmas....and you would have a list quite full to get....you probably would have everyone done now--and wrapping, etc. I miss painting and making stuff with you...so remember the art table full of paints and brushes and all kinds of ideas all the way back a few months....just was so much fun. miss that too.
never changes...always missing something....missing you. missing the tradition we only did for one year. hummmmm, that truly sucks.
i surely am glad and grateful for all I have now...just wish you could have gotten to meet all these wonderful brothers and sisters and a dad and nieces and nephews ...you would have been blown away...and have already shopped for all of them! You had the gift of shopping down pat.
well, seems harder to write here these days. trying to live sarah...trying to keep on....walk on in the midst...to find joy, laughter...stay connected to the air I am breathing...for more than just organ survival.
still miss you. just as simple as that.