Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Trying to reach through to the other side is in the quietness of my ache in my heart today.  I feel you Sarah, close, yet unreachable...
I know that people who lose ones they love feel this intensely especially in the loneliness of the journey--the questions in their heart.  As I laid in bed this morning, before I opened my eyes...I just looked and looked around in my soul...seeking...wanting to see you, see what you are doing...see heaven...see my mom...others who have gone...even my sweet friend Sandra, gone just 30 days now....what are you guys up to...are you seeing us wondering?

I listen to Neil today, along with songs that bring you close---Hey Jude...traveling music, remembering camping, traveling, playing, creating, watching movies, eating, drinking....sitting close, holding hands when in the car, phone calls, voice messages...all the preciousness of life on this side....blessed.

So here today, I remember the sorrow of the first news, the crushing realization of you gone...memories like shards of glass-always ripping my heart open...all of our hearts as we relive the first day.  even 4 years later...still cuts as though today.

I will not stay too long here...no good fruit to be picked.  So for now-will go cook frosted flake porkchops, mashed potatoes, green beans, scones, gravy, apply pie and ice cream...and enjoy the time with Christopher and Tif...and drink some good merlot.  good day to eat your favorite meal and remember you. 

I love you....so.

3 comments:

karen gerstenberger said...

No words...just love to you.

Robin said...

And we love you, Chris.

Karen said...

Oh, the ache of it. Such a love song. So precious, so tender, so full of longing. Such a beautiful girl, and her mama, too, so beautiful. Ohhh, it hurts. Yet there's comfort too. Heartbreak and hope. All wrapped up together.
Sending love and comfort your way, dear Chris.
Karen East