Tuesday, April 10, 2012
just a heart missing you dear sarah c.
somedays it seems like you have been gone so very long.
then i get an email from a friend of yours or some kind of contact...a soft word spoken, a look that says more than words...
and I am stopped.
I quietly move through those next moments...aware of your absence...aware in a full way.
i know many miss you. many think of you each day.
i am glad for that.
i love that you were deeply loved and remembered.
then i remember that it is for all times, all of this earth life.
i will never get to call you and tell you this person mentioned you, remembered you...
not till heaven, i guess.
heaven...so hard to imagine when i miss you. it seems too far away to find and then i am thinking you are there...and that means you are far away...
my thoughts get smeared in me, they fragment, they don't make sense for awhile....
i am lost for a bit. i know these places, been here many times.
and then i keep breathing and stay carefully in my place. i hold on..and choose not to go too far down this lane. it is a familiar place of ache.
too long for the living to miss the one you loved so well.
too long to keep making new memories that don't include you.
it is a war sometimes, a war that takes, doesn't give.
just miss you. been too long.