Saturday, September 26, 2015

Almost 8

Almost 8....
















September 26, 2015
7 years and 264 days since you took your very last breath.
Tomorrow we walk across the 8th year threshold of years you have been gone. Supposed to be a super moon....that is just plain something to me....

I know now that we will never miss you less, never learn to walk without a limp...and somehow that is all ok.  I am just a mom who has learned to move along towards heaven in a way that may never make sense to me or anyone who is watching.  I have been blessed, by my Father in Heaven, to send a companion to journey with--my husband Rick...who finds himself grieving this year for a daughter he only met for 10 minutes and now knows so many stories, but not her.  God...I look forward to the day the 2 of them meet and get to hold on to one another for the first time--that is if it works out that way that I get to see that.

I have been thinking all morning about this is the last day she ever had of 24 full hours and that a day given to us is such a gift.  We take that so much for granted.  Wow...never thought of it before that way.  I know she and Chris had a great day today--their last full day together.  He fights to live well...please God continue to help him....to live.  To embrace the gifts in his journey now too.

So, Rick just brought Red Roses and Calla Lilys, which she loved, sunflowers for me, which I love...Scott and Laura and kids just sent a bouquet to us too--and a toast.  The flower guy came down Bob's hill, our neighbor, and I am pretty sure he fell coming down to deliver them--had a big bump on his forehead and a big scrape on his face.   So, he made it and we sent him back up the stairs...

So today, my sweet Sarah C.....
I miss you so.  I miss all the memories we didn't get to make...the kids you never had...not getting to watch you be a mom...but I did get to witness more than some and less than others....so each of us who grieve...I have learned, we never get it all...just what we get.

So, I am thankful...for all I got.  Thankful to know you, love you...watch you become who you got to become...see you touch others in your life.  see you love and encourage and kick people in their butts to live fuller.  I got to see you embrace your healing in your soul.  I am proud of you--more and more and surely look forward to seeing you again someday....

my heart aches.  Just does.  it is the way of the road of this loss.  It sucks most of the time...and is a fight to not slip into that and be in despair...but live in hope of heaven to come.

So, that is all my heart has to say right  now...just am glad/sad...missing you so.

1 comment:

Karen Gerstenberger said...

"I have been thinking all morning about this is the last day she ever had of 24 full hours and that a day given to us is such a gift. We take that so much for granted." - your words are a beam of light, even in your sadness, Chris.
As I look at the photos you've been posting, I see the intense joy and aliveness in Sarah's eyes, the strength and power of the spark of life in her. What a great partnership you had/have as mother-daughter, as her spark is still guiding you. I see it, and think how blessed were those she worked with in her art. There is a joy and freedom in Sarah's eyes that is rare, and through you, she inspires me to seek it for myself. How grateful I am for our friendship! Sending much love to you.