Tuesday, May 31, 2005

June in the air

Hard to believe it will be June tomorrow. It is becoming summer here at the lake. The sunset tonight was beautiful. The water was like glass. Took Harry-my chocolate lab to the lake tonight-all he wanted to do was swim, but not tonight---just a walk.
I am somewhat unsettled lately-trying to hear what God wants for me now that a new season is here. Seems like it is quieter than it has been, yet so many things calling to attention and time. I want to do it all-to taste it all, experience it all. Life goes by in some ways so fast you can't even measure the speed. I find myself not able to put it all in order the older I am getting---like when was that? Was it really 5 years ago? Seems like just yesterday, or maybe it was longer....I feel like my mind can 't hold it all together in order anymore. Lots of things are getting less clear too the longer I am moving past them. The things I felt so strong about don't seem so important any longer either. It takes way too much energy to hang on to insignificant things also. Just enjoying God-trying to touch another person, to listen to them-like really listen---not just hear them, but to listen to their behavior, see their eyes and see if they are really saying more than the words they speak.
It is a wonderful time---slower in some ways---if you don't run with the wind of the culture, but walk with God and hearing Him say---look at this person, or watch that or see this...different than where I have been.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

how to figure it all out

Today was wonderful out---just a perfect 10 with the weather-nice breeze, beautiful skies and sunset. Work has been pretty hectic. As I get older, I find myself less settled with status quo and wondering where my passion lies as I live out the remainder of my life. As I work in hospice daily, I watch people get a terminal diagnosis and then try to begin to live with a passion to do what they really always wanted to do all along.
I would like to figure that out now, before it is a necessity. I work too long and too hard each day-and find myself then too tired to try to pull together the things I would like to see happen. I want to paint more, create more, read more, study more, walk more, connect more. So, how to do it. I went online to look at life coaching tonight. I know I do like to work alongside someone as they try to figure out what they want to do and to support them as they try to do it. I love sharing the gospel-do the works of Jesus---would still love to pastor. I want to seek you Father to show the direction for the next decade of my life. I don't want to end up just living it out randomly. I don't want to stress too much though, cuz I love the simpliness and solitude I have in my life. Ahhhh, it isn't the first time someone tries to figure this out, so will trust my heavenly Father to help light my way. I do love life, love getting a full glass of it each day-to drink fully and savor it.