Monday, March 24, 2008
So looking forward to heaven. So looking forward to knowing the truth that I only hope in now. Sometimes I wish to see just for one second into heaven to help me press this life out with the passion I feel so much of the time. It would be like being on the high ropes course--knowing if you fall, you will not hit the ground, but be caught by the harness--so you start to leap from tree to tree, knowing you are really safe.
I miss you Sarah. I miss you mom and dad and Nancy--and the others who are gone. The ones of us left here, are beginning to look ahead more and more with an anticipation that yearns for the homeland.
I went away for Easter this year to spend the time with my fiance' and his family. I needed to do a new thing. I missed my family, I missed Sarah, I missed being at my home church. It was ok. It was a new season. I wanted to be with Rick as he begins the transition to a new place. Many of the lasts for him, firsts for us. Time doesn't ever slow down, the second hand doesn't begin to move less purposefully. Life is always moving forward--to the end moment when Jesus does come back for us. So, to press on, press forward with that hope of eternity ahead, that incredible hope--the biggest hope. The one thing that will never disappoint. To be secure in that hope. To have surrendered to Him, all I have, all I hope to have---to trust you Lord. Ah, that is the best.
I am home now. Moved away from the close contact with grief. Made a decision to pursue Jesus and let him handle the grief. He is my hope, my answer. I will look to Him for the help to walk this all out. I sure miss my girl. That is for sure. Many miss her...she would want us to fix our eyes on Jesus--He is the hope she had, I have.
So many new changes coming. New life, a wonderful new man. It is exciting. God is so kind to me. So kind to him. It is a new season. ALmost 6 months this week since Sarah went to heaven. How did the time go by. . . so swiftly.