Friday, June 27, 2008
watching life go on
9 months today. i find myself watching life happen all around me. i see other mom's with their daughters, eating fast food, shopping at the grocery store, fixing their hair--simple, everyday stuff---just moving along...not aware that these are the simple things you tenderly remember when there is no more.
i remember...somehow i knew i needed to grasp each memory of us-and you as we went along---i seemed to savor them, caress them, remember them---and can still close my eyes and remember them. i can feel your hair in my hands, i remember the first time i french braided your hair-it took me forever, and you were getting so impatient--but boy it looked so beautiful! i loved doing your hair, putting it in braids, in ponytails, in pigtails--ribbons, hats--whatever. and even as a grown up girl--you still loved hats--and you wore them everywhere. Chris and I were going through your hats the other day and we found some of the most outlandish hats---What a hoot you were!! The wilder and crazier--the better---especially if you thought Chris would hate it!! And you would laugh as we bought it!! i remember when you and marty and kimmy and gram and i went to put-in-bay and tried all those hats on in that hat shop!! we laughed and cried!
well, i can laugh...but then the tears do come...the deep sorrow in my little mother's heart. i so miss you my dear girl. i miss that we don't make more memories...that i have to look into my little heart and just hold tight to the ones we got to make...there will be no more. you are my dear girl. thanks Sarah...thanks for the memories..for all the fun times...for all the great times...the laughter..the tears...the quietness, the wild and crazy times...