Thursday, January 08, 2009
what to do with the anger?
I am pretty angry lately and know it has probably alot to do with you being gone-too soon. I find myself mad at alot of people and situations--more than I would normally be. I write alot---not so much here as I know others are reading and it is too raw sometimes for even the air to hold the words that come out.
The tears I cry even sting more---different tears than the sad ones. I have found that sad is easier than mad. Mad feels like it will tumble the day, my heart, the ones around me. Could just get an ax and chop down a forest and maybe that would help...at least all the emotions swirling inside would have an outlet that would not harm anyone---just the trees, and I love trees...so am working hard on traveling this road...
I dreamt about you the other night---no words spoken, you were just sitting behind me with your arms around me and we just were so close...I felt you---like we had done so many times before. Made me cry.
You had such an impact on my life on a minute by minute basis the full 28 years of your life. How lucky I was...and still am.