Thursday, June 04, 2009

held close


love this picture, have used it before...somehow...I feel you next to me when I see it...and remember.
loved holding you...such a treasure to hold your child. i watch other mom's doing it now and want to say---do it for real...hold gently yet, intentionally...they aren't yours, just for a season...and you are given the privilege to have them for now.
i always had that in my heart...that you were not mine, just given as a gift to me to cherish and to raise...somehow, God let me know that from the very beginning, when I didn't even think I would carry you inside till birth...just a privilege.
blessed----I was blessed and am blessed with so much...so many memories.
today will probably be the last time I officially "move you". I was thinking of all the times I have moved you in my life this morning as I laid in bed...to different houses, to college and home each year...to mom's to live--to fairport and then to our house and then to your house with Christopher to get married...and now...we are moving the last of your stuff to their new homes...
i really think I can't understand this life. i don't know if i have the capacity to wrap my mind and heart around it...so will let it be today..and keep walking this out. slowly, gently, tenderly...remembering this is the land i have been given to walk...and God...you are close and will help. my heart knows deeply the sorrow of this land like no other can know. there are many moments of no words to speak...and that is just the way it is....and God, you know me...and search my heart and help. you are close to the broken and heal.
i am grateful...

2 comments:

karengberger said...

This is beautifully stated. I am walking a similar path; you are not alone. Thanking God for His gift of faith to us. I don't know how I would be able to do this without His love! Blessings, comfort and love to you.

karengberger said...

I met Paula and delivered your hug. She is as lovely as you said. I will write more about it when I can...very little internet access now. We walked by the Point, and I thought of you & Sarah so many steps of the way. Butterflies were all around me most of the day as we hiked the paths. XO