Wednesday, August 05, 2009

heavy in my heart




This journey is sure long. miss you Sarah. I am having a grief time again--and not sure what is the center, nor when i get into it, not sure where I walked in and where i will walk out. seems like there are pockets of deep grief we get into---like falling into a blog.
i have a friend who was in Ireland a few years ago, and he was hiking and was off the path and all of a sudden, he went over his head into a blog and didn't have a clue how he would get out--if ever.
that is what times like this feel like...and it is so overwhelming. you wonder if you have made it down the road at all. and then if you do say something---people then worry and want to do something...but there is not a thing anyone can do--but pray for this place.
i ache...and have been....is it the full moon...the passing of another wedding anniversary with you not here, your house empty---so much moving further into the distance...you not part of a day, or even any recent days...
oh my....
no maps, no landmarks...a solo journey---each of us takes when we lose what is most dear...quietness in my heart...no words to tell others...i feel their grief too for you---and touch their words on the screen, or where ever they come with my small hand and lift them to God...probably like they do for me too...
wow...we are sure made of clay....
leaning into and on you God...fully today.
want to walk to cinque terra today and spend a long time.....miss you.

3 comments:

karengberger said...

Dear friend, my heart is with yours. On that path in Manarola, on the inner path of grieving. God be with you, hold you deeply in Love, and wipe your tears as they fall, whether inward or outward.
I'm so grateful that Jesus had a mother! XO

Gannet Girl said...

Dearest Christine, If you'd like to meet for lunch one day next week, please email me at gannetgirlatsbcglobaldotnet for my phone number (or send yours). It would be my great pleasure to drive out to your part of town to meet and talk as we both approach dreadful anniversaries.

caitsmom said...

Found your blog through another's grief blog. Sending you a hug from another bereaved parent. I hope that your daughter's birthday was a gentle day for you. Peace.