Monday, August 17, 2009

just walking







i think i am in italy today, walking in the most beautiful land, with the dearest of people. it now has been over a year since i visited.




i often fly in my mind over there and take the trains from Milano down to the Cinque Terra and get off in Riamaggiore and then walk the walkway through the tunnel of the sea and then climb the stairs and walk through the "walk of love", looking at the chalk art...slowly moving my fingers through the lockets-looking for the american touristor locket...and then moving on....




up the stairway, looking at the seagull mozaic and then down the stairway to the manarola harbor...looking upwards toward Pont Bonfiglio...




why is this land so far from here..so hard to get to...makes the grief on days like today feel like the trip there---so impossible.




oh my....swirls and twirls of brain cells...some that have not been recovered...and my mind has slipped off the block. can't recall as much, and sometimes, don't even remember recent things clearly. almost 2 years---just a month away...




wrecked...my heart feels wrecked...recovered in some ways---full of passion and love...




feels like an old 78 record, skipping around, sometimes playing the song for good long time...and then...skips...and misses the beats...my song gets wrecked too...but the wail...is still long and deep...if you are listening.

9 comments:

karengberger said...

I am listening, and sending love from my heart to yours.

christine said...

thank you Karen...you are dear to me

Gannet Girl said...

I know . . . some days it just seems impossible. All of it.

paxton4evr said...

sending huge to you {{ chris }}

Karen and Joe said...

Today was the first day I was able to open your blog...for some reason, it would close everytime I opened it. I found you through Gannet Girl, and have also been blessed by both her blog and Karen's blog.

My beautiful only son died suddenly last year from a thing called SUDEP. Sudden Unexplained Death in Epilepsy. He had a couple of seizures each year since he was 12 years old. No one ever told us he could die from them. In fact, the night he passed, no seizure...just heart failure.

He was 28 and our grief is crippling so much of the time. Like you, I feel wrecked. He was close to us, as your beautiful daughter was close to you, and your words are beautiful poetry bathing our wounds.

I just want you to know that I am so sorry for your loss and your suffering. What a heartbreak for you all. She sounds exquisite. I am so sad for you and can only imagine how much you miss her.

Like you, our hope is in the promises of God and Heaven and eternal life, all united together again in a place where there are no more tears. I just wanted to thank you for sharing with us today. It helps.

May God comfort your heart today as your grief visits you again in all its impact.
Karen Johnson

karengberger said...

This inspired me to write about our visit to Cinque Terre, and meeting Paula. Thank you again for inspiring me, and for all that you share here. XO

caitsmom said...

"the wail is still long and deep, if you are listening."

Wow, those are powerful words and speak volumes about how we look "back to normal" to many but our grief is very much with us always.

Peace.

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