Tuesday, April 10, 2012

quiet journey

just a heart missing you dear sarah c.
somedays it seems like you have been gone so very long.
then i get an email from a friend of yours or some kind of contact...a soft word spoken, a look that says more than words...
and I am stopped.
I quietly move through those next moments...aware of your absence...aware in a full way.
i know many miss you.  many think of you each day.
i am glad for that.
i love that you were deeply loved and remembered.
then i remember that it is for all times, all of this earth life.
i will never get to call you and tell you this person mentioned you, remembered you...
not till heaven, i guess.

heaven...so hard to imagine when i miss you.  it seems too far away to find and then i am thinking you are there...and that means you are far away...
my thoughts get smeared in me, they fragment, they don't make sense for awhile....
i am lost for a bit.  i know these places, been here many times.
and then i keep breathing and stay carefully in my place.  i hold on..and choose not to go too far down this lane.  it is a familiar place of ache.

too long for the living to miss the one you loved so well.
too long to keep making new memories that don't include you.
it is a war sometimes, a war that takes, doesn't give.

just miss you.  been too long.

4 comments:

Karen said...

Yes, exactly, exactly how I feel. Thanks for writing. My heart just aches sometimes for the loss of his presence. Heaven is good, yet I so wish he were here. I wish Sarah could be with you. Praying comfort and strength over you, dear Chris.
Much love, Karen East

karen gerstenberger said...

Thinking of you with understanding love. I will always remember (and wish I had met) your Sarah; am so grateful to have met you. Hugs to you.

Robin said...

I think of your Sarah SO often.

christine said...

I think of each of you too-often. just a long journey.