Thursday, March 28, 2013

Life goes on.
Somedays there are moments I am so disjointed in being present.  I feel caught between a place that includes you and the other place where you are not here.
Easter was a dear and precious time for us.  Somehow it was a time of such hope--resurrection, "He is risen" were words often spoken.  It is truly still my hope.  So many family have gone on now, including you.

I want to keep on.

This post isn't making much sense.  I should write more often.  My fingers are stiff with words not written.

Ache in my throat...holding back the tears.  No words to say that will make the ache go away.  No great ending paragraph that will tie it all up and make it clear.

This loss is a lifelong loss...a loss for each day, every day till I die.  I miss you.  I may live well, laugh and enjoy, but there is always an ache.  Memories of you make me smile and remember the dear things...but they don't take away the ache.

It is a road that never gets better...at least I don't think it will this side of heaven.  Just missing you.  sweet, sweet girl....

5 comments:

GrahamForeverInMyHeart said...

It is confusing - that life marches on without the children that were our reason for being here.
I wish I could just hit the undo button and restore the natural order to the universe, the one where our children live long and productive lives.

christine said...

good words, sweet words. tender words. may God hold you close today too.

Karen Gerstenberger said...

Sending much love to you, dear Chris.

Gregg and I were at a park yesterday, and a little girl began to cry on the playground - it was nothing serious; just a simple, small hurt that will get better - but it cut me to the core, hearing a young girl's cry. I think some parts of us will always simply break open without warning when something (random) stirs it. My heart is with yours.

Karen said...

Your words always speak my heart...and break it too. Exactly how I feel...just a jumble of longing, mourning, hope, mystery inside of me. So very thankful for you, my friend, as we walk this rocky road together.
Much love, Karen East

christine said...

I am glad for the ones in my life who understand without much explanation. long road. can't wait to meet your kids someday--what a day of joy that will be...for all of us.