mother's day journey 2012

just a journey of pictures in my heart this year.  5 different years gone now.  i miss the stories of our life.  i just miss you.  i walk better now, but sometimes my balance fails me.  miss what might have been.  aches in a deep chamber of my heart where joy should be.  carefully picking the words--careful of my heart.  the journey hurts and takes a long time to stand back up.  lonely for you-for a normal day that seems insignificant-with no plans, just being together-doing really nothing important. 
miss your impact on who i am--and me on who you were and could be if all hadn't changed. 

but it did.  i am here in the present, but the hallway leading to where you were is always near me, i can sense it always so close.  i peer down it, sense the quietness, the dust of it...it echos...hollow. 

the reality of it can truly crush me.  dangerous to go very often, will rob the wealth of today.  craziness in that thought--can't have both.  life is hard that way-hard to manage and heal and live.  challenge to my sore brain. 

can't seem to find a good ending to this, so will just end.