It is hard to believe we have moved and are now in New Bern NC. I find this move challenging in so many ways--leaving behind my family and friends again. I moved back in the 80s to Newark Ohio when going through my divorce. Then moved back home in 2002 when Sarah had moved to pursue her relationship with Christopher. I stayed there--eventually moving back into our beach cottage in 2004 and stayed there till we moved a month ago.
Just wow....so here I am. In a whole new land. Unpacking and choosing what can stay, what will be part of the journey here. It has been sort of deeply freeing in a way...a finding of myself in a place I haven't really taken the time to do ever...seems like careers, and other things always banter for time and your energy.
I am sitting in what will be my new studio. Oddly enough, in the last year as we considered relocation--to who knows where, I began to feel I had outgrown the space Rick had created for me. It felt tight, I worked more in the garage...yet still loved being in there. As I began to pack last June--I started with my Sarah's corner--a place to honor and remember...and just savor my heart.
I tucked away these precious few things I had kept to remind me...to treasure and keep...little things...of no value to anyone but me...
So now, here I am in a whole new place, touching and feeling these same things again...trying to discover if they will find a home here..and oddly enough...some are and some are not. I find myself entering a new season of what it is like to live while missing your sweet daughter...who is gone over 10 years...tender is my heart with this...
I can hardly find words that help this even make sense...My word for 2019 is Pilgrimage...and it is a deep and full word...I've been on this for many years, yet this year, it makes sense to hold it before me. A pilgrim is a brave soul willing to venture forth to a new land...to discover...what will be discovered.
A pilgrim can't carry too much or your hands will be too full to touch and embrace anything new...so the treasure box is a place you can leave things to venture forth. I am doing this every day right now--it is part of this new season. A season closer to heaven too for me. I don't want to hold onto anything that keeps me from doing this, so am being quite brave...
I have had a rich and full life...and am so very grateful. I wish Sarah were here to see and know...yet, I don't think I would be doing this is my life were full of her and her children and life to be lived with that gift.....
Rick's kids and grands are all beginning to live their own lives--as they are older. I hope we are good examples of living full.
So, here it is, today...a day I am beginning to see a new land, a new place to live from...thankful for Rick. Memories of my sweet Sarah C...tucked in my heart...Hoping to someday tell her I was brave enough to keep on and live from a fullness...coraggio...
