has been a mild winter so far.
water has not even had ice on the edges much.
can smell a sense of spring in the air. 

am restless for this new land I feel I have crossed into.

trying to see with wide open eyes, clean ears for hearing, hands open to touch and receive.
smelling the air for new.
keeping my senses alert.

wonder

ok, i just don't always have it all together in my heart...a long journey

this journey is long.

there are days my feet walk well, i stand tall....i speak with steadiness....i have clear eyes.

then, something happens and i find myself touched in the tender place of loss...

this time, it was listening to a friend tell my friend's mother--my dear friend who just died...what she needed to do....."you need to eat, you need to ...., you need to............and on and on..."

all said to sayto her with deep love, "take care of yourself"  you need to. 

then i said to her....with a dear tenderness..."you can do what i did....and she turned and looked at me...and i said, "you can drink."  and she said..".it would help the pain, wouldn't it?"

and i said, "it did help me"

and my other friend said--"don't tell her that!"

and I said, as i looked at my friend's mom..."she hasn't lost a child, she doesn't know....."

ugh...

it is amazing that any of us who has let go of our dearest child's hand, ever stood up again. 

now, i don't live there in that place, but i still know how to find it...and it is sometimes very close....i remember the air...the feel, the horror of the days of those early moments--that still cross my doorstep, sometimes too often, most times...no one knows.

another holiday coming...another full moon....more and more your voice is softer in my memory...it is harder to remember....

i miss you.  

i miss you.

i miss you.

miss you sweet C.

as i look at the wild waves today out on the lake, i miss you---
the lake reflects my wild heart today.
tossed, grey, cold.
I remember so many years ago at this time, wondering which day you would decide to be born as we already went past your due date of 11/4.  You waited till the 19th. such a girl...always on your own clock!

just miss you.  miss what life would look like if you were here.  miss talking.  miss making stuff for Christmas...miss planning the meals, what we would need to buy or do on black friday...
i just am sad.  deeply sad at times...no words to say it well.

no vote in this one.  just walking out the results of what happened.  no more whys, just the sadness of what is.
sure do miss you.

i know heaven is coming.  just miss you today.

Am blessed.

Art show went well.  Many came, many were able to grieve again and lean against one another--lean close.  tell stories, smile at memories...

Getting ready to take off for few days to search my thoughts and center.

We will go to a retreat center in Southern Ohio and meet with a Spiritual Director.  Feel like a whole new season is opening to us--maybe the first time it will truly become our journey together.  So much happened over the last years and now, it is time to begin life again...not live in the fragments of what happened after the sudden death.  Stopped working, picked up church work, got to know many new people/family in each other's life--created memories and got to know one another deeply and well. 

I feel a sense of a new thing coming.  I believe I have my new word for the coming year too--it is Essense.

It builds right on top of the word for this year--rhythm....

there is a stirring in me, a new season coming....and yet it feels like this season I am in will be rich with more to come.  I look forward to these next days apart--a time to listen, move slower...savor, discover.

Trying to reach through to the other side is in the quietness of my ache in my heart today.  I feel you Sarah, close, yet unreachable...
I know that people who lose ones they love feel this intensely especially in the loneliness of the journey--the questions in their heart.  As I laid in bed this morning, before I opened my eyes...I just looked and looked around in my soul...seeking...wanting to see you, see what you are doing...see heaven...see my mom...others who have gone...even my sweet friend Sandra, gone just 30 days now....what are you guys up to...are you seeing us wondering?

I listen to Neil today, along with songs that bring you close---Hey Jude...traveling music, remembering camping, traveling, playing, creating, watching movies, eating, drinking....sitting close, holding hands when in the car, phone calls, voice messages...all the preciousness of life on this side....blessed.

So here today, I remember the sorrow of the first news, the crushing realization of you gone...memories like shards of glass-always ripping my heart open...all of our hearts as we relive the first day.  even 4 years later...still cuts as though today.

I will not stay too long here...no good fruit to be picked.  So for now-will go cook frosted flake porkchops, mashed potatoes, green beans, scones, gravy, apply pie and ice cream...and enjoy the time with Christopher and Tif...and drink some good merlot.  good day to eat your favorite meal and remember you. 

I love you....so.

sweet girl

tomorrow will be 4 years since you left earth.

I have met so many people now that have lost children too young and we all somehow lean close on these days....helping to keep us from falling over, falling down.

I can feel your strong arms still hugging my neck...and that hug that held so close. 

miss you sweet girl. 

miss that smile, miss your eyes.

miss your good hearty laugh.

miss your strong opinions.

miss your wonderful way you lived in fullness.

Miss your impact on us-how you challenged us to live and enjoy.

You made a strong impact on me. 

I can remember so many great times--and memories. 

I am grateful for each and every one.

So, tonight-as many of us get ready to have tomorrow pass through our hearts again...I just say thanks.

love you.

September again, 4 years

Manarola, Italy

Beautiful place to be.

What a life this is...

it never stops...new people getting sick, dying, being born....day in and day out.

I sit here and listen to the waves on my beach....am enjoying the day of sun, a fall day...warm...

then I remember....you died in a wave.

then I can't even think straight for a minute.

Wrestle my mind back to a center and then breathe again.

I struggle to know what letter, let alone a word to type next.  All in all, I am doing well.  Life is going on, a good life, full of friends and love and new memories and family.  Truly full of lots of color and joy.  Embracing it is not so hard any more.  Not dropping any pieces of it, savoring and sipping the full glass I have been given...wow.  Thank you God.  I am rich with blessings.  Full of blessings.

Then something happens....or someone says something that slips into my tender and sore heart...and I remember.  Undone then.....most times no one knows...I hold fast to the anchor of you God.  I cry softly to you---hold me....help me not slip down too far. 

I surely miss my sweet Sarah C.  I know the sorrow I see in other's eyes for the one's they miss too---grief...such a journey.  I was talking to my watercolor teacher today and he is having a very serious surgery soon, and he told me his strength and hope is because he believes in God and He holds him.  Somehow I shared briefly about Sarah and her death at 28 and my similar hope in heaven and God.  After class he said, "can I talk with you a few minutes?" So I walked away with him--he is in his late 70s...and he looked at me and said, I lost my only son when he was 26.  I saw in his sweet eyes, the dear sorrow...the pain, the swelling of his tears...and we both were silent for just a brief minute of shared pain.

Long this life is sometimes...it slows down and the heart beat does too...and we wander around our hearts in those slow minutes, remembering---the sorrow crashes into the joy---the memories of the death, then the memories of the joys of their lives...and we are wrecked for some time...till it eases away...

There are these places I have gone with others too who have lost their children, there are no words needed...just a place of holding on...leaning close.  I do feel the presence of many of them as they know I am walking closer and closer to the day of Sarah's death.  I love to remember that this is also the day of her entrance into heaven and her eternal life...but that is not where my feet stay too well yet...I slip back to this is the day of her death, her departure, her last touch on all of our lives...

May these days coming up, find us just close...leaning....remembering....excited for the kingdom to come....yet, held by our Father in a way that a good Dad does...sometimes He just pulls us close and says, "just rest here on my shoulder, I'll hold you close and won't let you go, or fall.  I'm not leaving you...."

I feel you Father.  I ache.  I hate this.  I just do.  I hate that any of us have had to release our kids yet....we weren't done...we had too many things we looked forward to do, dreams of theirs we were watching come into being....

so, that's it for now. 

love that she has art that people like and want to have.  love that she has other's who benefit from the selling of her art to help them in their dream of becoming an Art Therapist...that is cool....Just wish she were here to put it together and walk around in some bright skirt and her wild hair flowing and hear her laugh all the day long.

Sarah's website to purchase art to support her scholarship fund.

Sweet friend Sandra ...ladies group

I am writing early.  Last night I got a telephone call that my dear friend from our Ladies Group of 21+ years died yesterday.  Sandra is the 2nd from left in the bottom row.  Life has been very hard for her in the last few years...

All of them were just here a few weeks ago to celebrate our 21st year as Ladies Group.  Sandra, Susan and I were the original members---starting because Susan wanted to have us come alongside Sandra who had been ill...just the beginnings of a life long, love of friendship of women.  I will miss my dear friend...all of us will...she was core.  She was writing the book of our friendship and love...

Sandra, you know now what we all wonder about...what is after this life...have you seen your dad who died recently...have you seen Sarah, others we love and have lost...what is the wonder of that journey after the last breath on this side....

I will miss you my dearest friend...you have been a strong source of strength for me through all these years when I could barely make it in the trials I have faced.  I remember so many times you would just pull in my drive to stop to check in on me and sit on the stoop and catch my tears...hold me and pray for me.

I can't believe it that you have slipped away...quietly, all alone last evening....
I just have no words yet.
We will all miss you so---we always wondered who of our group would go first, so now you have started the journey we will all follow someday. 

we love you, I love you.  I give tribute to you, my sweet friend and companion.  I will miss you so...the journey here will be more empty with you gone.  I long for heaven more and more....we were not made to bear death.  The sting and sorrow are too heavy for our small shoulders.  Yours were bent low these last months and now the load is gone.

I met with 2 of Sarah's friends just 2 nights ago with my sister and we listened to their tender and dear sorrow of the loss of their dear and precious friend Sarah.  We talked about how the journey of grief with loss of a friend is sometimes more silent and alone as resources are not many for support for that group.  I did not know how quickly I would have to eat those words and digest them for my own journey.  I am blessed to have all my sisters from our group to journey this loss with---bless her 2 sons who now will mourn their mom gone...and her frail mom who will miss her only daughter...  God keep them, help us support them too. 


Sweet Sandra....love you.

birthdays...

sweet girl....sure knew how to do birthdays...miss our times.

thinking of you today---

missing you.

how time flies.

what are you doing today?

so many things to wonder about.

love you. thanks for the memories.

Heartache, moving on...

i am packing to go on the first cruise in 2 days since leaving the ship at Ephesus, Turkey when we found out you died.

I am quiet in my heart. I know it will bring many memories back...want to move through them...and tuck them away into my treasure box to leave there. Tears come to my eyes....softly slip out. I feel like I am carrying a full cup of coffee and trying to walk without spilling it.

Most days my mind isn't wrecked...and then when I dwell on some memories, I can quickly slip away into them, swept off my feet....that same wave seems to come still to us who live and breathe today.

I have been gone from home in Florida for 5 weeks, so am already feeling a bit at sea...far from home, comfort...glad Rick is here....miss my home, my family, my dog...my life.

So, God, please help smooth this journey ahead....and let all live while we are gone. Let us enjoy our time, a vacation...and come home refreshed. not many words, just a full cup of coffee.

New Year 2011

Time moves on and just nothing slows the clock nor the tides or seasons.

I can hardly believe that it is 4 years of dates since you lived here in your body and life. 2007....seems long ago. Amazed at how much has happened, how many new things you have never experienced.

I am trying to figure out how to live a day and the seesaw of then and now.
Trying to live fully.

Trying to honor our life from then and keep you alive without it tripping my step each moment.

Living on.

Knowing that it can happen again...even today.

When is my day...my last day?

Don't want to miss today.

Moments, memories, new things, old things....

dust on the old...blowing off these things, memories....breathing fresh air.

Spring cleaning the soul, my heart...my mother's heart.

don't have many words that spill out of this older fingers that even ache with age. How to do this....hummmmm

oh well, best I can do today.

Just a normal type of day

Found this picture tonight as I was purusing my photo albums....one of you at your desk when you were still here...focused...working...in a lovely place, and bet Neil D. was playing....

somedays, I just want a normal day again, get a phone call to meet you or just to talk truly about nothing, laugh, plan...just one more time.

missing you is something that happens, just all the time. Was dusting your painting of you today and looked at that magnificent painting done by the artist in Italy and thought, why am I dusting a painting of you...how unusual to dust a picture of you...who would have ever thought that I would dust a beautiful momento of you...just stopped me right there. For a minute I couldn't really move...I was without thinking moving through the act of dusting...and it just hit me right then. I felt like i was in a state of true shock...like what the hell am I doing?

that happens way more than the world even knows. just seems like life has such an unusual component to it now...unnatural...you shouldn't be gone....that's for sure.

10 days before Christmas....and you would have a list quite full to get....you probably would have everyone done now--and wrapping, etc. I miss painting and making stuff with you...so remember the art table full of paints and brushes and all kinds of ideas all the way back a few months....just was so much fun. miss that too.

never changes...always missing something....missing you. missing the tradition we only did for one year. hummmmm, that truly sucks.

i surely am glad and grateful for all I have now...just wish you could have gotten to meet all these wonderful brothers and sisters and a dad and nieces and nephews ...you would have been blown away...and have already shopped for all of them! You had the gift of shopping down pat.

well, seems harder to write here these days. trying to live sarah...trying to keep on....walk on in the midst...to find joy, laughter...stay connected to the air I am breathing...for more than just organ survival.

still miss you. just as simple as that.

Friday morn

cold night-lots of wind and waves here on the lake-so noisy it woke me up!

I have been walking in a deeper valley this week. I know this valley of sorrow and know some of the trails that I take and each time they bring that fresh smell of loss. I also know how to walk back to life again and I am on the uphill climb to the light and air.

That deep place of the loss is so hard, so sad. I am glad I don't live there anylonger. Just so helpless, so unchanged. The story is the same. The ending is the same, it is a finished painting of what happened.

I took this picture up in the Rockies this last trip and loved the aspens. By now I am sure all the leaves will have fallen. There will be a barrenness to all the branches-but the hope is in the spring that will come after the long and cold winter.

My hope is in that final spring-the final place I will be for all times. For now, the need to keep with the changes of the heart, my dear heart that moves sometimes slowly through the season of grief. I don't know if it will ever feel like a right fit. I know many now around me who journey their own land of loss. I am glad we see one another across the borders of that sorrow to wave and shout encouraging words and smiles. That tenderness of a shared burden makes one's own burden lighter. If you listen hard and close your eyes--you will hear the breeze blowing through these aspen leaves and they are clapping--and making sweet noise, rejoicing at the last of their brilliant glory!

early morn

Never give up in Life video.

I saw this video clip at church last Sunday and last night after never going to sleep, yet finding myself resting quietly in my Father by morning, quiet in my heart, yet still so much swirling more quietly...that this song was playing quietly in my mind and wanted to post it. It is powerful...and good...and I know He holds me...and I will never give up, but run well to the finish.

Late night-swirling thoughts

been awhile since I couldn't sleep. just many thoughts swirling in my mind.

was writing tonight more of the journey i have had and it was alot to process of our life through many years.

also went to a grief reunion group of the group i did a few months after you died dear sarah c.

i miss you. i miss our life. i miss that there wasn't more to write of our journey.

i get to a place that no more words seem to make it make it better.

i am grateful and glad for things like this picture given to me just a week ago by Diana of a piece of wood she found for me on the North Carolina shore that looks so like a seagull and she wanted to give it to me as it so reminded her of all the parts a seagull has touched me in this land of loss and you.

i want to show it to you. i want to tell you and show you so many things. i watch other friends call their kids or they get phone calls from their kids...and you never call me and never will again. just am so quiet when i watch them talk-remembering the many calls from you-just random talk about anything calls. i still have 4 voice mail messages from you i listen to sometimes....randomly-and think how totally normal your voice is. and save them again for another time.

i am so grateful for the calls i get today from my dear other kids-and just savor the calls. still wish you would be here. want to tell you even about all them.

so the night is one of lonely wishes...and those just seem to get me into trouble with sleeping and peace...so decided to get up and write and try to leave these thoughts here. try to pry them out of my mind so i can sleep.

talking today at grief group was deep and hard. words spoken there by all of us that don't see air often now anymore as we journey farther out of the beginning and have gone further down the road. ability to share real stuff that still is in our hearts and processing events that are still a challenge-often to us with no one else knowing. grief is a challenge. we want to do it well, we just don't really know how. how to live well with joy in a land that is totally foreign to us...like a language with not enough words we know how to use. like when people ask, "how are you doing?" do we know how to answer, what to answer-how much do they really want to know-how long do they have to listen...how to end the conversation if you get started and the pain and tears begin to come--kinda like pumping one of those old wells and all of a sudden the water comes with a gush--do you keep pumping or stop and try to make the water stop too.

i don't like this new land, only it isn't a place you can move from to another place to change the scenery--it goes with you where ever you go--it is now such a part of you. so, tonight is a harder night-and it is midway through the night. i know the new day will come, the sorrow will slow and not be so heavy...and i will go on. it is just late and too many words swirling in my mind and, like i said....i miss you.

you would have been 32 in a few weeks. so many thoughts about that--how your life would have looked. loss of dreams and you. moms have dreams for their children that are part of the grief to reckon out and release too. those are sometimes new ones to deal with as you would have grown older--they then become a fresh release...seeing you with children, finishing school....on and on and on.

the night is quiet. i hear the clocks ticking, Rick's breathing...wonder who else can't sleep tonight? I think of the words of the psalms that have comforted me in the night hours and will go read a few of those and know others have journeyed before me...and lamented and sorrowed and see if i can find the trail of hope and see some of where God is tonight. Go sit in His presence for a bit and snuggle into the arms that knows me without words.

tucking you back in now. miss you. love you.

how can it already be 3 years since you left living on earth? it seems like just yesterday i heard you coming down the outside stairs, talking on your cell phone to one of your dear friends with your "outside voice" and coming into the cottage-throwing your books, your oversized purse down, petting harry...going straight to the frig and looking in (still hadn't said hello to me yet! :o) ) and then looking up over the frig door and saying to me..."Mom, all you have is condiments in here!!" All this time you would be doing that, I would be watching and smiling at you--loving to see you so alive, so full of your life and all you were doing. Then you would come over to me--still on the phone and give me one of our "kisses" that everyone would laugh at!
so, 3 years, and yet, i would not be surprised to see you just walk in again right now--as the last time I saw you-you were so full of joy and life...and then the news came that you were gone. the long trip from turkey to Italy to see you and sit by your broken body with Christopher who was also so broken...and marty and tom and A. Bunny and then Chris's dad...till we were finally handed your warm ashes to bring back to america...
how in the world do you ever get to the place that any of that makes any sense...or can hold it as the story of you-life and death....
such a new land for all of us. i am here in colorado, looking at the mountains....getting ready to go on a guided spiritual retreat today--and I come to you, My Father, with a heart that has so much soreness in it and come with handfuls of questions....and pray for you to see and meet with me and help me to live better and more fuller. i so miss you sarah. i have been blessed with more life...and a full life....that is for sure....and still holding you and all our life and memories close to my heart. so many memories that will never be told again...so many thoughts and places we went, so many things we did...seeing you grow up from a child to a beautiful woman....wow...what a blessing...but then gone. oh my....how to keep on...how to treasure and hold close without it destroying you...those are the tender things that are still here 3 years later.
i am blessed to have others who have lost close now too, so most times, i don't feel insane in that place as i see them in there pain...their sorrow, their journey...and we have somehow joined hands, small hands...and walk this road of loss of a child...young or older...our words we use are put together one chosen letter at a time....to write to each other.
i am blessed to have my family still so close and still so missing you...each having their own grief. I am blessed to have her friends who loved her so....love hearing her stories of blessing them. i love having Christopher still close to my life and heart...after all---she challenged both of us to care for the other if you died...just like you to do that...such a girl.
I love having my new husband, my new family from him....and know you would love each and every one of them...you would love to have brothers and sisters and neices and nephews to love on and enjoy...
i love that i had you for the one i got to be a mom to all those years. i held you close but always loosely--as you were a gift to me...one I never thought I would have. but i did get to have you and raise you--and i sure am proud of you sweet sarah c. you loved well, you laughed well, you lived honestly--sometimes others didn't like that so much--including me a few times :o))), but you were authentic, a jewel in my life...the joy of my journey...thankful i am as yoda would say...
i miss you, more than words can write out of my heart. deeply.
your mom

these 2 pics---one of Christopher, who is right now on our porch...having a fire and drinking a beer...and many of our family and friends will be coming soon to celebrate and remember...unfortunately...i am here in colorado...but my heart is fully there with you....knowing this is where God has directed me for this year. The other picture is of dear sarah...i have posted it before...just a beauty, my girl.

things we hold close

funny...this is now my 2nd time doing this post as my first time got deleted...

so my first run of words is gone...

will try again.

I wrote about the things we hold close...and was talking about how the blue heart on the green paper was given to me by Karen G. while visiting in Seattle....along with the photos to the left...dear to me, held close now. memories...treasures....

coming home from our trip, I found the word sarah written in pipe cleaners on the table in the living room...left by my grandkids who had just visited while we were gone...touched me so deeply...so dear...another of the things I hold close...as I hold them close too...treasures...

and then to the right...a letter and card along with a silver necklace that has a box on it to place some of Sarah's ashes to carry...treasures from Karen j. Got this gift when came home-was in the mail...a gift to mark this 3rd year of my sweet girl gone on before to heaven..

so, the things i hold close are not only the treasures given, but the hearts of the ones i have known for long years and those who have come into my path of life in this season of loss. gifts...gifts from this road, my life now.

i am touched deeply, always amazed at the goodness of God while still here in the land of the living. I sometimes so want to peer across the veil to see them--these ones who have left too early...and just know....

just to know...would help, but it is not the way it gets to be. it is a faith time...a faith that is found under all the stuff that happens...holding the rest of it. solid, whole, not broken...even if I feel like I am.

a deep breath...a tender month...how did 3 years go by...

i still have 5 voice messages on my cell phone that I have to resave every 3 weeks...i lost one of them this year...a dropped call while listening to them...and i cried and cried...like losing her fresh...

i listened to your voice yesterday...wishing me my 55th happy birthday...telling me that thousands of wonderful things would happen to me this year...and many did...but losing you in the days of that year were not part of the wonderful things...but it was one of the most powerful things...and then in the midst of this loss, I met so many new people, went to lands I would have never known--physically, mentally, emotionally....spiritually...the journey still goes on to this day...

never do I know or have an idea of the new things that will come across my path...i now see with different eyes, hear with different ears, smell differently, taste with passion...sip more, eat slower with deliberateness...touch and hold with tenderness..care...carefullness...but never holding it too close...never owning another thing in this life...knowing it is all part of the journey, grateful for the journey. grateful for the ones with me on this journey.

still my heart is quite sore right now...remembering...and trying to keep breathing...these anniversary months are hard...

i won't be here at home on the anniversary this year...will be on a guided spiritual retreat in Estes Park, Colorado at the Barnabus training...we prayed and I felt it was what I needed to do with Rick right now...but many will gather here on the beach with Chris and I know my heart will come and be here too...I hope that I will be ok that day...I want to hear God clearly that day...and trust Him in that day...

I wish my thoughts could come clear right now...it seems that my heart is still some unsettled with leaving here at that day. God come and help...I want to live well right now...and trust...and keep on going forward...to that home that will never end, no more pain, no more sorrow, no more death...thank God.

I am glad for my companions...my dear friends who still are close in this path...

well, that is enough for now...

no words tonight

just am sad tonight. sad for my friends who have lost their children too and are far away. Just thinking of them tonight--for each of them in their different homes, places they live...where they are right now and praying for their sleep tonight--and that God will come and comfort their heart and their dreams tonight.

"never forgotten, always loved"

Tiffany put these words with this picture of Sarah for Christopher for the widow's conference they will be attending this coming weekend in San Diego. He does not know about it yet, but she shared this with me yesterday....and it so touched me, so undid me for awhile. Such amazing eyes, such an amazing smile-and always will be loved by so many and never forgotten.
I have thought about her all day today. Not that I don't think about her all the time, but again--in a strong way, trying to remember things...her voice, her laugh...her presence.
This journey of walking on....on...on....
I have worked hard to stay present in the day-to connect with life in a tangible way, to keep my eyes forward, with memories and tenderness in my heart...yet not missing the oxygen that is in the present breath I take, enabling me to keep on...walking on....
yet, sometimes, for bits of time, I wonder if I am breathing...and in those moments...it all floods back...the deep and terrible loss...of sweet sarah c. so huge. so big...

God I miss her. I miss the fullness of all of it...every last drip of it. all done, all gone. Makes me crazy if I don't take another breath quick and fill my lungs with oxygen and remember to breathe again. God, I have armfuls of gratitude and thanksgiving..so much given to me to hold and embrace...and yet....I sure miss you sweet girl. how my life has taken on new dimensions that you are missing in...and will not be part of other than stories and memories.
just do miss you.

know others miss you--miss your presence, miss never knowing you...miss.

my fingers move over these keys, not knowing what to type, what key to press down, what word to create here on this blog that will help my heart...help me move forward....sometimes I type and sometimes I delete...forward, backwards...never knowing the correct word that describes the journey...no map, no secret clues, no foreknowledge...no help...
trusting God, holding fast, lingering in God's arms...having faith...believing even if it isn't true that I will see you again somehow, someday, not knowing when...
who is there, are you ok? Are you happy? Are you busy? Do you miss me? Chris? all our family? Friends? The cats? Your home? toooooo many thoughts, toooooo many questions...toooo many things begin to swirl and unravel...

back to the picture...she sure was beautiful, she sure touched many...she sure was....wasn't she?
Glad to have had her...thank you....thankful.