in place for the one year....

here it is...the final plaque in place. to remember our dear sarah. sometimes i try to understand why it is so far away, so hard to go to...but it also is as right as can be---for she would love to be really---cuz it is so beautiful and romantic and just the most dazzling place. i live there too somedays--my spirit feels the wind and sun and hears the surf. i feel her...i sense her...and can almost hear her voice laughing like the gulls...
heaven is coming and it looks better than i ever imagined it to be...and i long for home. but the course of life is still the chart held in my hands. i know that i have been compelled to continue to speak truth and hope and light and life into people. i only can do that because of you, my dear Father. You have filled me with this compelling force to not settle to live small, nor afraid, nor under the heavy weight of sorrow and grief. I will not wear these grave clothes for all days. I will not walk as though there is no future kingdom and no future glory. i will run this race-with perserverance and smile at the wind. I will continue to look forward with expectant eyes to see You, my Father---and run into your arms and be finally home...and then to also see the ones gone on before...and to laugh and eat and celebrate for the remainder of all eternity...wow....

on this dear week of her death--Sarah's so unexpected and untimely death that sucked all our breaths away and caused us all to droop and fall and crumble....help us all Father. We don't want to live here...we want to embrace one another and celebrate the 28 years we had with that wild child you gave me....the one filled with such passion and daring to live each moment with gusto. I love that she did that. I want to keep doing it too---to laugh from the bottom of my belly---to drink the whole glass of life. I want to savor and swallow the beauty in the midst of this great sorrow. It is the greatest sorrow I have wandered through...it is the hardest and most difficult road I have ever walked. I want to lay down on some days and just cry till my eyes run dry...but they never do---there are so many tears inside of me...and then I remember you catch them all, you save them all...you created them. you made them to bring relief in the sorrow...and sometimes even sleep---rest when done. You are so amazing God--so Big, so Kind, So Loving. I am blessed.