hard week

This was sent to me by Michell today--and she was a dear, dear friend of Sarah's. Just one of the many who miss her daily. We have met-many of us--and connected this last weekend to remember Sarah and her impact on our lives.

It was a very hard week for me after this weekend of remembering her. Just get to this place of such despair and deep sorrow. I got many emails from people who read the article and also so many hugs...and am so blessed...but in the midst...there is this place that became so raw again--aching--aching...so hard.

I am better today-thought I should write all week...but didn't...but the place I was and can still see just off to the side of me---is so wordless...no way to describe it...just can't believe it, can't wrap my little frail hands around it. I want to scream out loud---THIS CAN NOT BE TRUE.

ugh...that becomes one of my favorite words....ugh...a groan that is so deep....a language of only deep grief...

In that place, only God can come---and help. I laid in His strong hand often this week...with tears coming from all parts of me---it felt like my body cried....not just my eyes...like every part of me missed her. This writing is good--enjoy!

October 3, 2008Fresh and UnfixedThere Is Only Now
It can be easy for us to walk through the world and our lives without really being present. While dwelling on the past and living for the future are common pastimes, it is physically impossible to live anywhere but the present moment. We cannot step out our front door and take a left turn to May of last year, any more than we can take a right turn to December 2010. Nevertheless, we can easily miss the future we are waiting for as it becomes the now we are too busy to pay attention to. We then spend the rest of our time playing “catch up” to the moment that we just let pass by. During moments like these, it is important to remember that there is only Now. In order to feel more at home in the present moment, it is important to try to stay aware, open, and receptive. Being in the present moment requires our full attention so that we are fully awake to experience it. When we are fully present, our minds do not wander. We are focused on what is going on right now, rather than thinking about what just happened or worrying about what is going to happen next. Being present lets us experience each moment in our lives in a way that cannot be fully lived through memory or fantasy. When we begin to corral our attention into the present moment, it can be almost overwhelming to be here. There is a state of stillness that has to happen that can take some getting used to, and the mind chatter that so often gets us into our heads and out of the present moment doesn’t have as much to do. We may feel a lack of control because we aren’t busy planning our next move, assessing our current situation, or anticipating the future. Instead, being present requires that we be flexible, creative, attentive, and spontaneous. Each present moment is completely new, and nothing like it has happened or will ever happen again. As you move through your day, remember to stay present in each moment. In doing so, you will live your life without having to wait for the future or yearn for the past. Life happens to us when we happen to life in the Now.