can still remember standing inside watching you sitting on Bob and Thom's wobbly dock taking pictures through the slots of the water...quietly staying there for quite awhile--in the rain.this was just not too long before you left us...and i was seeing such a beauty in your spirit---a true peace with life. even in the midst of much craziness that you were in with going to part-time at work, school going on---loving that man of yours....you still took time to be still....to see the world and the beauty in it. you were soaking wet when you came in....
i even remember that you walked right through their screen door on your way out one of the times---and you and Barb had to put it back together again....we laughed so hard...what a girl....
sometimes i wonder what your entrance into heaven was like....wonder many things....
you had a way of seeing things all around you, capturing beauty, bringing beauty into relationships with all who you knew. i loved that about you...and find it a sore empty spot now.
you did teach us all about living while you lived it out in front of us. thanks Sarah....
i loved to watch you live....and did so every day of your life....can still remember the first time i saw you and they handed you to me...you laid on my chest for the next 4 days between feedings...wouldn't let them take you away---was so glad you were finally here. such a joy, having you as my baby....a miracle i never thought i would have....
so glad to have had you---God was so kind to me....gave me you. let me be your mom...loved being your mom. still am your mom. that is something to hang on to when it feels like it has been so long since i heard you say my name....
and boy did you say it always with passion--especially when you were needing something----loudly!!! MOM!!!!!!!
when you were little you decided to call me "ma" for a season--and i didn't like that...sounds twangy and awful....but that didn't stop you----so had to bear that season out till you went back to "mom". then of course...there were always the times that only "MOTHER" worked for you...and that also had your passion and tone mixed in it...and indignation...and frustration....especially when i wasn't totally available when you needed me to be....which was everytime you needed me!!! :o)
all in all....hearing you say mom was the best thing i ever heard from you....
i still have 5 voice mails...and listen probably too often...just to hear you say "hi mom"....and "i love you mom".
miss those things....miss you.....
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