Happy birthday 2014

Hi there beautiful girl.  I remember when you would say,"I wish I was pretty"...you just didn't think you were. I always thought you were beautiful.  But when I would say that, you would say, you have to say that....you're my mom....

You are right.  I was your mom, but really...I did think you were beautiful, and smart...and quite a girl.  You were strong-willed, independent and a clear and fierce thinker.  I liked that about you-you knew your mind.  You loved people, you  believed in things-and you weren't afraid to say what you thought.  I just always wanted you to allow people to have their own say, their own opinions...and that was something you worked on and did well with it!

You would have been 36 tomorrow.

I often think about what you would be doing...and then I just have to slow that train...not too good to go down that road too far.

I have learned to wrap my arms around what life you had...and the years you lived.  To embrace the fullness of that and remember as well as I can what you did and lived in those years.

I am encouraged to live more and as full as I can while I am still here.  Even today-a woman who knows your story, sought me out, to tell me the impact you had on her life...even without meeting you.  With tears in her eyes, she felt it impacted her in deep ways--all of it.  She affirmed to me how this all has changed me.  I have been changed.  I am deeply blessed to have had you.

All that said, deep in my heart, I sure miss you.  Rick misses you--he loves the stories he hears about you-he grieves you so...misses not really knowing you...just through the stories...and one short brief encounter before we left on the trip...

I can't wait till he gets to really meet you in heaven...and to see you two hug and know one another. You would just love him...he is the best.  You would have loved all this...that makes me so sad, to think of us missing this....but another road to not travel too far down...

So, sweet, sweet girl...I say "Happy birthday...I was just about to go into labor 36 years ago right now...I loved telling you that story over and over...all about how you were born...you just loved listening...and I loved telling...and you would never let me leave out even the smallest detail.

You were like that.  hahahahahhahaha....what a joy you were.


love you girl.  Miss you....